nothing to see here

src/features/april-fools/american-spelling.ts

@@ -0,0 +1,59 @@
+import { ChannelHandlers } from "../../types";
+
+const AMERICAN_SPELLING_MAP: Record<string, string> = {
+  colour: "color",
+  flavour: "flavor",
+  honour: "honor",
+  humour: "humor",
+  labour: "labor",
+  neighbour: "neighbor",
+  rumour: "rumor",
+  savour: "savor",
+  valour: "valor",
+  behaviour: "behavior",
+  favour: "favor",
+  harbour: "harbor",
+  odour: "odor",
+  armour: "armor",
+};
+
+const SUPER_SARCASTIC_REPLIES_TO_BRITISH_SPELLING_WORDS = [
+  "Oh, splendid, another dose of British charm! But I'm afraid we're strictly American today, darling.",
+  "Well, well, well, what do we have here? Looks like someone's trying to add a little extra 'u' to our lives. Nice try!",
+  "Oh, lovely attempt at being fancy! But sorry, old chap, we're sticking to our American roots today.",
+  "Ah, a bit of British flair, how quaint! But alas, it's not quite the style we're going for today.",
+  "Oh, bravo! Another British gem shining through. But sorry, it's strictly red, white, and blue today!",
+  "Well, aren't you just a rebel with your extra letters? Sorry, but we're cutting ties with the 'u' today.",
+  "Ah, the British invasion continues! But I'm afraid your linguistic imperialism won't fly here today.",
+  "Oh, delightful! Another nod to our friends across the pond. But sorry, we're staying true to our American roots today.",
+  "Splendid attempt at British sophistication! But sorry, we're keeping it simple and straightforward today.",
+  "Oh, look at you being all fancy with your British spellings! But I'm afraid it's strictly Yankee Doodle Dandy around here today.",
+];
+
+export default {
+  handleMessage: async ({ msg: maybeMessage }) => {
+    const msg = maybeMessage.partial
+      ? await maybeMessage.fetch()
+      : maybeMessage;
+
+    const content = msg.content.toLowerCase();
+    const hasBadWord = Object.keys(AMERICAN_SPELLING_MAP).find((word) =>
+      content.match(new RegExp(`\\b${word}\\b`, "i")),
+    );
+
+    if (!hasBadWord) {
+      return;
+    }
+
+    await msg.reply(
+      SUPER_SARCASTIC_REPLIES_TO_BRITISH_SPELLING_WORDS[
+        Math.floor(
+          Math.random() *
+            SUPER_SARCASTIC_REPLIES_TO_BRITISH_SPELLING_WORDS.length,
+        )
+      ],
+    );
+
+    await msg.delete();
+  },
+} as ChannelHandlers;

src/features/april-fools/community-timeout-vote.ts

@@ -0,0 +1,176 @@
+import { GuildMember, MessageReaction, TextChannel, User } from "discord.js";
+import { ChannelHandlers } from "../../types";
+import { sleep } from "../../helpers/misc";
+
+const RECENT_CHATTERS = new Set<string>();
+
+let timedOutUserId: string | null = null;
+let isProcessingPlea = false;
+let isWorthy = true;
+let dissenter: GuildMember | null = null;
+let conformer: GuildMember | null = null;
+
+const TIMEOUT_DURATION_MINS = 10;
+const VOTING_DURATION_MINS = 2;
+const NUM_RECENT_CHATTERS_TO_TRIGGER_CHAOS = 10;
+
+const getRandomReactorId = (
+  reactions: MessageReaction,
+  botId: string,
+): User | null => {
+  const users = reactions.users.cache;
+  const usersArray = Array.from(users.values());
+  const randomUser = usersArray[Math.floor(Math.random() * usersArray.length)];
+
+  if (usersArray.length === 1 && randomUser.id === botId) {
+    return null;
+  }
+
+  while (randomUser.id === botId) {
+    console.log("Trying to get a random user again");
+    return getRandomReactorId(reactions, botId);
+  }
+
+  return randomUser;
+};
+
+/**
+ * This feature allows the community to vote on whether a user should be timed out.
+ * If the user gets timed out, they have to write a pleading message in a certain channel and the AI gods have to deem them worthy enough to be untimedout.
+ * If they are deemed worthy, it randomly times one of the community voters out for an hour and they can't plead.
+ */
+export default {
+  handleMessage: async ({ msg: maybeMessage, bot }) => {
+    const msg = maybeMessage.partial
+      ? await maybeMessage.fetch()
+      : maybeMessage;
+
+    if (msg.author.bot) {
+      return;
+    }
+
+    if (timedOutUserId === msg.author.id) {
+      if (isProcessingPlea || !isWorthy) {
+        await msg.delete();
+        return;
+      }
+
+      isProcessingPlea = true;
+      await msg.reply("Let's see if the AI gods deem you worthy....");
+      await sleep(3 + Math.floor(Math.random() * 7));
+      isProcessingPlea = false;
+      isWorthy = Math.random() > 0.5;
+
+      if (isWorthy) {
+        await msg.reply(
+          "The AI gods have deemed you worthy. You are free to go.",
+        );
+        timedOutUserId = null;
+
+        if (conformer) {
+          try {
+            await conformer.timeout(TIMEOUT_DURATION_MINS * 60 * 1000);
+          } catch (error) {
+            console.error(error);
+          }
+          const channel = msg.channel as TextChannel;
+          await channel.send(`Chaos reigns upon <@${conformer.id}> instead.`);
+        }
+        return;
+      }
+
+      await msg.reply(
+        "The AI gods have deemed you unworthy. You will remain timed out.",
+      );
+
+      await msg.guild?.members.cache
+        .get(timedOutUserId)
+        ?.timeout(TIMEOUT_DURATION_MINS * 60 * 1000);
+
+      sleep(TIMEOUT_DURATION_MINS * 60).then(() => {
+        // If the person is still timed out, remove the timeout
+        // Otherwise, somebody else has been timed out so we just let it go
+        if (timedOutUserId === msg.author.id) {
+          timedOutUserId = null;
+        }
+      });
+
+      return;
+    }
+
+    RECENT_CHATTERS.add(msg.author.id);
+
+    if (RECENT_CHATTERS.size >= NUM_RECENT_CHATTERS_TO_TRIGGER_CHAOS) {
+      // Get a random user from recent chatters
+      const userIds = Array.from(RECENT_CHATTERS);
+      const randomUser = userIds[Math.floor(Math.random() * userIds.length)];
+      const user = await msg.client.users.fetch(randomUser);
+      if (!user) return;
+
+      const channel = msg.channel as TextChannel;
+      const message = await channel.send(
+        `Chaos is here. React with 👍 to time out <@${user.id}> or 👎 to let them live.`,
+      );
+
+      const filter = (reaction: MessageReaction, user: User) =>
+        user.id !== message.author.id && user.id !== bot.user?.id;
+
+      const collector = message.createReactionCollector({
+        filter,
+        time: 1000 * 60 * VOTING_DURATION_MINS,
+      });
+
+      await message.react("👍");
+      await message.react("👎");
+
+      collector.on("end", async () => {
+        const yesReactions = message.reactions.cache.find(
+          (reaction) => reaction.emoji.name === "👍",
+        );
+        const noReactions = message.reactions.cache.find(
+          (reaction) => reaction.emoji.name === "👎",
+        );
+
+        if (!yesReactions || !noReactions) {
+          return;
+        }
+
+        const randomConformerId = bot?.user?.id
+          ? getRandomReactorId(yesReactions, bot.user.id)
+          : null;
+        conformer = randomConformerId
+          ? await message.guild?.members.fetch(randomConformerId)
+          : null;
+
+        const randomDissenterId = bot?.user?.id
+          ? getRandomReactorId(noReactions, bot.user.id)
+          : null;
+        dissenter = randomDissenterId
+          ? await message.guild?.members.fetch(randomDissenterId)
+          : null;
+
+        if (
+          yesReactions?.count &&
+          yesReactions.count > (noReactions?.count ?? 0)
+        ) {
+          await channel.send(
+            `The community has spoken. <@${user.id}> has been timed out. <@${user.id}>, your next message is your one attempt to plead your case. If the AI gods deem you worthy, you will be spared and chaos will reign on somebody else.`,
+          );
+
+          timedOutUserId = user.id;
+        } else {
+          await channel.send(
+            `The community has spared <@${user.id}>. Do not let this happen again.`,
+          );
+
+          if (dissenter) {
+            await dissenter.timeout(TIMEOUT_DURATION_MINS * 60 * 1000);
+            await channel.send(`Chaos reigns upon <@${dissenter.id}> instead.`);
+          }
+        }
+      });
+
+      RECENT_CHATTERS.clear();
+    }
+  },
+} as ChannelHandlers;

src/features/april-fools/im-watching-you.ts

@@ -0,0 +1,31 @@
+import { sleep } from "../../helpers/misc";
+import { ChannelHandlers } from "../../types";
+
+const EMOJIS = [
+  [0.02, "👀"],
+  [0.02, "🤔"],
+  [0.02, "❓"],
+] as const;
+
+export default {
+  handleMessage: async ({ msg: maybeMessage }) => {
+    const msg = maybeMessage.partial
+      ? await maybeMessage.fetch()
+      : maybeMessage;
+
+    for (const [chance, emoji] of EMOJIS) {
+      const random = Math.random();
+      if (random < chance) {
+        const resp = await msg.react(emoji);
+
+        // For added chaos, remove the reaction in ~30-60s
+        const duration = Math.floor(Math.random() * 30) + 30;
+        sleep(duration).then(() => {
+          resp.remove();
+        });
+
+        return;
+      }
+    }
+  },
+} as ChannelHandlers;

src/features/april-fools/typing-status.ts

@@ -0,0 +1,19 @@
+import { ChannelHandlers } from "../../types";
+
+const CHANCE_TO_TYPE = 0.02;
+
+export default {
+  handleMessage: async ({ msg: maybeMessage }) => {
+    const msg = maybeMessage.partial
+      ? await maybeMessage.fetch()
+      : maybeMessage;
+
+    const random = Math.random();
+    if (random > CHANCE_TO_TYPE) {
+      return;
+    }
+
+    const channel = msg.channel;
+    await channel.sendTyping(); // This will start typing for 10 seconds (a Discord value, not customizable)
+  },
+} as ChannelHandlers;

src/index.ts

@@ -29,6 +29,10 @@ import { scheduleTask } from "./helpers/schedule";
 import { discordToken } from "./helpers/env";
 import { registerCommand, deployCommands } from "./helpers/deploy-commands";
 import resumeReviewPdf from "./features/resume-review";
+import imWatchingYou from "./features/april-fools/im-watching-you";
+import typingStatus from "./features/april-fools/typing-status";
+import americanSpelling from "./features/april-fools/american-spelling";
+import communityTimeoutVote from "./features/april-fools/community-timeout-vote";
 
 export const bot = new discord.Client({
   intents: [
@@ -185,6 +189,12 @@ const threadChannels = [CHANNELS.helpJs, CHANNELS.helpThreadsReact];
 addHandler(threadChannels, autothread);
 
 addHandler(CHANNELS.resumeReview, resumeReviewPdf);
+addHandler(CHANNELS.random, [
+  imWatchingYou,
+  typingStatus,
+  americanSpelling,
+  communityTimeoutVote,
+]);
 
 bot.on("ready", () => {
   deployCommands(bot);