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This commit incorporates some of the suggestions from pybind11 PR pybind/pybind11#4953 (and linked discussion) to relax ABI tagging for libstdc++ and MSVC. The goal is to ensure that ABI-incompatible extensions are separated from each other. These checks were previously too fine-grained and caused isolation in cases where an actual ABI incompatibility was not present. This is a long-standing problem in both pybind11 and nanobind causing inconvenience for users.
While looking into this topic, I realized that libc++ has an opt-in unstable ABI feature (https://libcxx.llvm.org/DesignDocs/ABIVersioning.html). The PR also adds checks for this.
Merging this PR will imply an ABI version bump for nanobind due to the differnt naming convention of the associated ABI tag.