Weenis

Mark Weenis is devoutly religious, although the faith he subscribes to is uncertain. Maybe he just coasts by on talk of a higher power to feel better about himself, but who knows? Nobody. Because nobody gives a shit.

He's a closed-minded ex-military judgmental ninny who's gluten free, allergic to every food you could ever possibly be interested in actually eating, and...wants to have lunch with you. Why? So he can whine about gluten, peanuts, high-fructose corn syrup, GMOs, preservatives, and your lack of acceptance of a higher power, especially his.

He relies on his large muscular build to constantly intrude on conversations bemoaning his intolerances and allergies as though they're a death sentence if so much as a peanut exists in the same room with him. In reality though, gluten might just make him kind of gassy...oh fine...it also might make his poop a bit softer than he'd like. There. Happy?? It is affecting him.

People want to punch him in the face on sight, but he's big and would physically retaliate, so they just flick peanuts at him. He runs away cursing, only to return later with a huge attitude, displaying a barely-visible red spot that he'll claim is the life-threatening result of your abuse, even if the peanut didn't make contact there. He doesn't have sex, supposedly because one time he put on a condom and his heart stopped.

He's in charge of designing organic, healthy snack additives and products. Because of the enormous markup on these designer products, he's loaded. And his fortune hasn't come from ripping people off...it's a gift from the lord.

Weenis thinks GoBots are the coolest. This leads to badness with Cyndie. He attempts to convince her that only her oppositional defiance disorder is keeping her from liking gobots. She starts to question herself. They get into a pissing match with retaliations over it.

He's secretly the mastermind behind the enema-flavoring coverup.

Nobody calls him by his first name. Just Weenis.

He's the only person whose butt Kitty refuses to sniff. Dave even dares her.